The impact of a dozen tattered thoughts

I'm absolutely surprised with each post how my tattered thoughts are touching people.  I literally looked at blogger stats today and realized my thoughts are reaching people around the world!  I started blogging on February 23rd this year with one post. 

Six months later I posted again as a response to losses I was dealing with  and life seemed tatttered like my favorite sweatshirt.  It's nearly ten years old, soft as hell, shredding at the sleeves but it was one of the first things my husband ever bought for me - after a fall day cycling on Martha's Vineyard.  It reminds me of good things - falling in love with a wonderful man and how motherhood, while more complicated each day, also brings a comfort that cannot be matched by anything.

Since that August post, I've been somewhat consistent since then.  Yesterday when I clicked on the stats tab, I nearly fell over. Almost 800 people have read my 12 posts.  And you who are reading are not just my friends from church or family members or colleagues from work - you are literally from all over the globe.  I joked with one of my four 'official' followers (who's a good friend)  this morning that I have to get cracking to break into the African continent.  This afternoon - two hits from Morocco!   (I'm thinking now that maybe with 6 kids age 6 and under,  I should start talking with friends about lottery numbers).

I started this blog for me mostly.  And maybe to someday have my children understand in some small way what a gift I have been given by God to have met their father and cooperating with him, to have brought them into the world.  Quite easily these days I can become down hearted - looking at the state of the world.  The lack of love, the greed and violence that seems to grow more strong with each passing day.  However, I am heartened to know that my tattered thoughts and reflections on what God is doing in my life and that of my family is somehow worthwhile for others.  In a world as busy as ours and a family as hectic as mine, I find the comfort of my old sweatshirt in knowing that their are like souls literally on nearly every continent who believe that love is stronger.  If my ruminations bring a smile to your face, think of someone you know who'd be helped to live with hope by sharing it.  Maybe in that way, together we can cover every continent and every country.  God knows, the world needs hope.

Tomorrow my blog name becomes obsolete a.k.a 2190 days into motherhood

Technically tomorrow I should be updating the name to Mom To 6 Aged 6 and Under.  Sarah and Joe, my babies, turn 6 tomorrow.  Ironic how the 6 years has gone by so fast but at the same time so slowly. It hardly seems possible that it was 2,190 days ago that they were born and 2,185 days have passed since Mark walk them in the front door, a car seat in each hand to balloons, flowers and well wishes. (I of course was trailing SLOWLY behind him, having undergone my first every surgery in the c section which brought them into the world and frankly still looking 9 months pregnant!)

I remember fondly (now) those first insane weeks.... when it seemed like the entirety of days was spent nursing, changing and my eating to keep up strength.  I remember, not proudly, how I ignored my mother's advice, failed to rest and had an infection which rendered me practically useless at a time I was needed most.  I remember putting Joe, shirtless into the bay window trying to avoid hospitals and sunlamps.  I remember my mother in law making me what may well be the BEST roast beef, lettuce, tomato and mayo sandwiches and reminding me (to the babies benefit) to drink more water.  I remember the MOMS group from our parish, providing us with dinners week in and week out.  I remember waking up one morning in early October and recognizing my ankles again. I remember so many volunteers who came to sit quietly in a house with sleeping babies, so mommy and daddy could rest as well.

I remember the not so fond memories - of Joe screaming in pain with reflux, of feelings of helplessness and understanding how judgemental I had been upon hearing stories of parents who snapped and harmed their children.  I remember being afraid.  I'm grateful beyond measure now that God never removed His hand from me and Mark in all the dark hours.

The cliche says there is no instruction book for raising children.  I've come to understand that its true. We face another big milestone tomorrow ironically.  Sarah and Joe start first grade.  Who knew it would only take 2, 190 days to get them to this point.  It somehow never seemed possible as I struggled to give Sarah her first bath.  A few days ago.... here's what she can do herself.

It hardly seems possible that after so many nights in those first months singing away to Joe to solace his pain with reflux that we would ever come to a day when he would be the one singing and be singing to his baby brother; he's now the eldest of six.  It really is amazing what can change in 2,190 days!

And me, with 14, 235 or so days under my belt sit here typing and realizing that as I teach my children, so they too teach me.  They teach me to know that they will always be able to do more than I believe they can.

Making time for a blog

I've never been a diary or journal keeper. I don't have a particularly good memory. While I consider myself a fairly good story teller, I'm not a writer. As an undergrad journalism major some 20 years ago, being objective and being invested in a story but not biased to or for it was alway important.

Fast forward 20 years - which takes surprising less time than one would think - I'm a married woman, working full time outside the home and my husband and I try to keep up with our six children aged 5 and a half and younger. We both work full time and 'free' time is a rare thing indeed. So why blog?

When we first found out, in early 2004, we were expecting fraternal twins - friends said "You'll have so many stories to tell!" Sarah and Joseph were born and our life as a family began.

When we found out in summer 2005 we were expecting fraternal twins - again - we were parenting 10 month old twins and Mark had surgery at Sloan Kettering to remove a kidney tumor that fall - friends said "We hope you're writing these great stories down! God is doing great things!" I promised I would. Catherine and John Paul were born in February 2006 and we went from playing man to man, to playing zones as they say in basketball. In other words, some part of the zone is always uncovered in spite of your best efforts.

When we found out we were expecting for a third time - and the obstetrician bet us a bottle of wine it was twins again - we could barely keep awake past 8pm. When Patrick was born - solo -in spite of his eldest sister asking "Where's the other Patrick?" in July 2007, I recounted the story to our pediatrician who, after heartily laughing assured me that there was a book to be written about our family dynamic. In fact she said I could be the new Erma Bombeck. In spite of my best intentions, it didn't happen.

When pregnancy #4, with baby #6 was announced in the fall of 2008 when we were still not yet married 5 years, I managed a surprise trip to Florida for Mark's birthday. We didn't quite know what to do with ourselves with no little ones waking us early in the morning. I had almost relaxed into vacation mode by the day we flew home!

Simon, our 6th baby is now approaching his 1st birthday in April 2010.

So why am taking the plunge now? I'm afraid if I don't I'll forget all the important things they will ask me about and a blog is way easier that keeping baby books. My younger sister has inspired me to get started. She's a writer!